I've had a lot of jobs over the years, some of the were good and some were bad. The worst job was cleaning up roadkill one summer. Drive up with a shovel, scoop it up, and toss it in the back of the truck. All I gotta say is maggots dude, maggots. Cleaning up dead animals is where I have to draw the line though. I've always said that two of the grossest/worst jobs around have to be the bouncer who watches you while get a lap dance. He there's to make sure no grab ass is going on but still, you gotta stand there and watch some dude get his junked rubbed on all night. Pass. The second grossest/worst job has to be a porn store clerk. The characters you must see in a place like that day in and day out has to be mind boggling. Not to mentioned your tasked with cleaning out the jerk off booths! Pass again.
Nicholas Pell put together a great story about what it's like to work at an adult video store. He was stationed at a store in Portland, OR when he wrote this piece and let me tell you this, he has some stories. His particular store has an adult arcade that is very popular amongst the locals for a number of reasons,
" The arcade is a dark, damp area with about 15 small, squarish booths with video screens, chairs, trash cans and, of course, paper towels. The defining feature, however, is the holes between the booths, called glory holes. They aren’t jury-rigged glory holes common in arcades. They are professional, finished pieces of custom carpentry. The booth has three hard-and-fast rules: No drugs (except the amyl nitrate and nitrous oxide we sell at the counter), no turning tricks, and always feed the meter if you want to stay in the booth."
It's a great read, check out the full story at Salon
As I tell young people on high school Career Day, there are FOUR union trades within the JIZZ-PERSON stage craft series.
ReplyDelete(1) JIZZ WIPERS--they handle Walls and restock the Kleenex boxes
(2) JIZZ ROOFERS--they handle Ceilings Only. They also make change
(3) JIZZ WASHERS---the handle that little glass window that you see that you see through after you put in your quarters and the gate goes up. They don't do anything else, the bastards. What can you say---they got a killer union!!!
(4) JIZZ MOPERS---we handle floors & carpets, to include picking up the spent condoms & Kleenex but NOT RESTOCKING SAME---that's the JIZZ WIPER's JOB.
As a Union tradesman in San Francisco, you can expect to make $136.00hrs an hour as an Apprentist Jizz Moper, $167.00hr as a Journeyman Jizz Moper and $210.00hr as a Lead Jizz Moper. Students forever ask me how is it a Lead Jizz Moper makes more than a lawyer in San Francisco? The answer is simple, really---lawyers are not UNIONIZED, now are they?
Besides the pay, the other benefits of being a JIZZ MOPER is that no matter how sophisticated the world may get, there will always be a need for JIZZ Mopers, in hard times or soft...I meant bad.
I know its not 'kosher' to plug businesses in the comments section but I want to plug my new business MENSA BABIES. This was me using my big head, know what I'm saying. I'm the lead JIZZ MOPER at 'John Hand-Cocks', right? That means I get first crack at all the floors, right? Thursday night is Collegiate night, right? Free Admission for UCB, USC, UCLA, UCD, Stanford, Hastings law School,right? Gotta be SMART to get into those schools,right? MENSA BABIES!!! So if your man is 'shooting blanks' and you want a smart kid (for a change), just tell me what school you like and I'll be sure to clean up after him...MENSA BABIES!!!
Justinas Maliauskas
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